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For example, books for red take an upper right-hand perspective, objectify the opposite sex, and outline how to “exploit her psyche,” “catch a millionaire,” “apply manipulative rules,” or see “men as scum and women as stupid.” Advice for amber singles and couples usually focuses on acceptance (versus transcendence) of gender differences in the lower right-hand quadrant, such as John Gray’s Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus series of books or Alison Armstrong’s Making Sense of Men, or focus on secrets and principles that make marriages last, such as Gregory K. Popcak’s The Exceptional Seven Percent: The Nine Secrets of the World’s Happiest Couples or John Gottman’s The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Authors in orange either rationalize love with brain-activities and hormonal processes in the upper right, such as Helen Fisher’s Why We Love, or favor psychological and behavioral measures in the two lower quadrants to overcome relationship conflicts—typically by instructing workaholic men to become more emotionally available, and women to heal their emotional scars and support their partner to give them what they want, e.g. Harville Hendrix’s Getting the Love You Want or David Schnarch’s classic Passionate Marriage. Green writers tend to address the unconscious and spiritual dimensions in the upper left-hand quadrant to empower singles and couples to use their relationship conflicts for deeper psychological healing and spiritual insights that allow them to move towards unconditional love (e.g., John Welwood’s Love and Awakening, Jett Psaris and Marlena Lyons’ Undefended Love, or Joyce and Barry Vissell’s The Heart’s Wisdom). Most self-help relationship books are written by therapists and coaches who view committed partnerships as essential for healthy personality development and promise that their particular approach will have a high success rate in resolving relationship problems. As long as we keep in mind that everybody is right from their own view, and put the advice of each book into an Integral context, we can appreciate its content as a contribution to our deeper understanding of the entire territory of love relationships, and choose the material that best supports us in our own healing and growth work, and understanding of our partner. *The Integral language above is outlined in Integral Relationships: A Manual for Men and Ken Wilber's latest writings such as Integral Spirituality or his easy to read introductory book The Integral Vision.
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Books for Red Singles:The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider The Pickup Artist: The New and Improved Art of Seduction by Mystery The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists by Neil Strauss The Potency Principles: Transforming Sexual Energy Into Spiritual Power, by Victor Gold Books for Amber Couples:The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm The Exceptional Seven Percent: The Nine Secrets of the World’s Happiest Couples by Gregory K. Popcak The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman and Nan Silver For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women by Shaunti and Jeff Feldhahn For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men by Shaunti Feldhahn Why Mars and Venus Collide: Improving Relationships by Understanding How Men and Women Cope Differently with Stress by John Gray How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny Books for Amber Single Women:Making Sense of Men: A Woman's Guide to a Lifetime of Love, Care and Attention from All Men, by Alison Armstrong Books for Orange Singles and Couples:Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love, by Helen Fisher Real Love: The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love & Fulfilling Relationships, by Greg Baer Getting The Love You Want: A Guide for Couples, by Harville Hendrix The New Rules Of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work, by Terrence Real Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships, by David Schnarch Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships, by David Schnarch Books for Orange Singles Women:Is He Mr. Right?: Everything You Need to Know Before You Commit by Mira Kirshenbaum The Intelligent Woman's Guide to Online Dating, by Dale Koppel Books for Orange Single Women and Men:Relationship Roulette: Improve Your Odds at Lasting Love by Carol Diamond A Book for Orange Single MenStumbling Naked In the Dark: Overcoming Mistakes That Men Make with Women, by Bradley Fenton Books for Green Singles and Couples:The Path to Love: Spiritual Strategies for Healing, by Deepak Chopra Undefended Love, by Jett Psaris and Marlena Lyons How to Be an Adult in Relationship: The Five Keys to Mindful Loving, by David Richo Love and Awakening: Discovering the Sacred Path of Intimate Relationship, by John Welwood The Heart’s Wisdom: A Practical Guide to Growing through Love, by Joyce and Barry Vissell Books for Green Singles:If the Buddha Dated: A Handbook for Finding Love On a Spiritual Path, by Charlotte Kasl Calling In “The One”: 7 Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life, by Katherine Woodward Thomas A Book for Green Men:The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire, by David Deida |
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